Ways to Protect Your Credit During Your Divorce

Can Just Looking at Online Dating Apps Ruin Your Marriage? We are in the "swipe" right or left age. Being able to order carry-out is wonderful especially from your iPhone app. But, today we now can order the superficially "perfect" date with just a swipe on our phones. Being a divorce litigation attorney, I've had my share of clients had me a stack of printed out screenshots of their partners social-media activity. While Facebook used to be a large source of incriminating photo and conversations, Tinder, for now, has taken the lead. More people call about their spouses browsing dating apps. It's not just husbands either. In a recent consultation, the husband suspected something was happening with his wife based upon her Facebook activity. While the couple routinely was on social media, husband notices the app his wife was swiping. When he confronted her, she admitted to downloading the app because her friends were using the app and that she just wanted to see what it was all about. She claims to have never met anyone from any website and husband believed her. In his mind although, the trust was no longer there. People do this behind their partner's back for many reasons; boredom, needing positive affirmation or after a fight. It becomes "sneaky" and as a result, we are seeing so many people having trouble. Not everyone is looking to cheat, but it is still perceived as cheating. While cheating is nothing new, apps like Tinder, Hinge, POF and Bumble can be a real relationship hazards. Estimates show that four in ten people in relationships use Tinder. There's a good chance that someone you know is using one of these apps. Other clients have told us that friends reached out to them to say they saw their profile. Others have said they received angry phone calls from the bitter spouse of a left-swipe warning them to stay away! A little online research can turn up a ton of personal information and phone numbers! Once your spouse finds out, it could be the end. So, before you start downloading any new apps, think about what you really are getting. (312) 648-6115

Should We See A Sex Therapist Before We Divorce? Even in 2018, people may not believe that Sex Therapy is a real “thing”. Its similar to many other forms of counseling: you sit down and have a meeting like with a psychiatrist, psychologist, marriage, or sex counselor to work through everything like sexual dysfunction and intimacy issues. Even if you think everything is firing on all eight cylinders, couples can learn a thing or two from sex therapy. Signs maybe this is right for you. You have stopped having sex. At least 15% of marriages are either partly or completely sexless. What’s worse the more time that goes by, the harder it can be to get back into the swing of things. The more time that goes by, the more you may see your significant other as a nonsexual friend or roommate instead of a romantic partner. Divorce may be the first option that comes to mind but may not be the right choice just yet. You are fighting after sex. Boiled down to the lowest common denominator, good sex makes you feel good and bad sex and make you feel bad. People tend to practice avoidance when it comes to activities that make them feel bad. If you or your partner associates sex with bad feelings, you may tend to avoid it. Avoiding it may cause anxiety. Anxiety may cause you to reinforce your bad feelings and then you are caught in a vicious cycle. (Sex that is degrading or inflicts pain may be signs of deeper issues that may want you to seek a divorce attorney sooner than later.) You are happy when you partner is too tired. Being turned down after proposing sex and being happy or relieved is a big warning flag. Your couples counseling doesn’t seem to be working. This type of therapy doesn’t always focus on this part of your relationship. You will most likely hear different questions that will lead to different areas of your relationship. Considering different types of counseling is worth the effort to save your relationship. I’m sure you wont forget, you can always get divorced.

Thinking About Leaving Your Spouse or Partner? How much is too much? It Depends on when you are thinking it. Everyone has thought about it one time or another. Bad things happen in this life and bam, you think “What would happen if I just left?” Fights happen. Stress can feel overwhelming. Thoughts creep in about what your life would be like if you had made different decisions. That doesn’t make you a bad person. But, when you think about it can be a game-changer. Never use the threat of leaving as a weapon or a bargaining chip in a fight or argument. Thinking it is one thing, but once you say it, you don’t get a do-over. The words stay long after they leave your mouth. In the heat of an argument, the fight or flight part of your brain wants to end the confrontation is one of two ways. You need to ask your “adult brain” do I really want to leave and all of the consequences that go with it. After you’ve had time to cool down and think about it, you can ask yourself that question again “Do I really want to leave?” If the answer is yes, you need to ask yourself more questions. I don’t mean thinking about over coffee. I mean take time to soul search and ask yourself, “Will this person be there for you? Are you living your best life? Have you managed your own expectations?” Maybe counseling is the answer or maybe not. Maybe it’s time to do what you need to do.

Living Alone After a Divorce

What do I do now that I'm Divorced? This is a very common question we receive from our clients. "What do I do now?" Number 1: We provide a fairly comprehensive list to our clients (see below) of actions they should take. Save a copy of your Final Judgment, Settlement Agreement, and Allocation of Parental Responsibility in a safe place. If you have an Allocation of Parental Responsibility, you will need to refer back to it often to remember the timesharing schedules and other important details. Change your estate planning documents. If you previously had a Will appointing your former spouse as personal representative or beneficiary, you may want to have it amended. Our office will give you a referral to an estate planning attorney if necessary. Meet with your Financial Planner to reassess your financial needs and how your financial plan should be modified to better match your needs. Change the beneficiary on any life insurance policies. If necessary, change the titles on assets like your home and cars. If necessary, you may need to insure your car and home in your name only; you will want to contact your insurance agent. Take care of closing all joint bank and credit card accounts. Obtain individual auto, rental and health insurance. If your name has been legally changed, you will need to request a new Social Security Card, driver’s license, and passport. You will also need to change your name on all bank and credit card accounts, and notify your children’s school. Keep records of all alimony and child support payments paid or received. Also, record payments for extracurricular and uncovered medical expenses. Keep a log of any future incidents involving the children. You may also want to schedule appointments with a counselor, therapist or other professional to help you transition. Our office will give you a referral to professionals who specialize in therapy and family counseling. Number 2: If you don't already, exercise. Crossfit, Orange Theory, Lifetime, etc. Do classes (or get a coach/personal trainer) so someone else will work you through. Don't workout alone; that's not the point. It's been proven that exercise does the following to your body: It helps normalize your glucose, insulin, and leptin levels by optimizing insulin/leptin receptor sensitivity Exercise-improved insulin/leptin receptor sensitivity is perhaps the most important factor for optimizing your overall health and preventing chronic disease Exercise also encourages your brain to work at optimum capacity by causing your nerve cells to multiply, strengthening their interconnections, and protecting them from damage Unexpected side effects of exercise include improved sexual function, changes in gene expression, clearer skin, and improved mood and sleep Research shows that the “secret” to increased productivity and happiness on any given day is a long-term investment in regular exercise, and a little each day appears to go further than a lot once or twice a week So in short, exercise makes you feel better, look better, sleep better and helps prevent chronic disease. It's a good place to start.