How to overcome the "unfairness" of a divorce and move on.
“It's not fair that my ex is in a new relationship.”
“It's not fair that they're out and about and I'm here depressed.”
“It's not fair that I'm broke, struggling to make it when I made the biggest sacrifice.”
Many of us just stew over how unfair the whole thing was and that our ex should be punished for all the bad things they did.
Guess what? You're right! But now what?
It's a trap! Focusing on the unfairness of a divorce shapes your life moving forward to the point that you just can't move on because you are thinking about something you cannot control.
You're now on a fixed budget and your ex is out all the time. Not fair. You made more personal sacrifices. Again, not fair.
It's not right.
But, focusing on the injustice of the whole thing will do nothing for you. It's like carrying around a load of bricks in your briefcase, slowing you down and tiring you out.
You can do something about it. Instead of being upset about how heavy your briefcase is, take out the bricks!
The same thing goes for letting go of the idea of fairness in your divorce.
Three Steps to Overcome the Unfairness of Divorce
Make a list of all the events that happened during the divorce and what you think was not fair.
It's not fair that I had to share my savings when I worked myself to death.
It's not fair that I have to barely survive after the divorce.
Now, list what you can actually do about it.
Having less money just requires a more focused budget.
Using family and friends for help will free up more time for activities that you value.
Change the word “unfair” to what you can do about the injustice. For example, “I have less money in my savings” to “I can work harder to save more” or “I can modify my budget for more savings.”
Removing the focus of the unfairness, allows you to focus on your own wellbeing and make the change to your life for the better. You have the power to overcome any thoughts of unfairness you have.