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Overcoming the Unfairness of Divorce

Posted by Christopher Holwell | Apr 16, 2018 | 0 Comments

How to overcome the "unfairness" of a divorce and move on.

“It's not fair that my ex is in a new relationship.”

“It's not fair that they're out and about and I'm here depressed.”

“It's not fair that I'm broke, struggling to make it when I made the biggest sacrifice.”

Many of us just stew over how unfair the whole thing was and that our ex should be punished for all the bad things they did.

Guess what? You're right! But now what?

It's a trap! Focusing on the unfairness of a divorce shapes your life moving forward to the point that you just can't move on because you are thinking about something you cannot control.

You're now on a fixed budget and your ex is out all the time. Not fair. You made more personal sacrifices. Again, not fair.

It's not right.

But, focusing on the injustice of the whole thing will do nothing for you. It's like carrying around a load of bricks in your briefcase, slowing you down and tiring you out.

You can do something about it. Instead of being upset about how heavy your briefcase is, take out the bricks!

The same thing goes for letting go of the idea of fairness in your divorce.

Three Steps to Overcome the Unfairness of Divorce

Step 1:

Make a list of all the events that happened during the divorce and what you think was not fair.

It's not fair that I had to share my savings when I worked myself to death.

It's not fair that I have to barely survive after the divorce.

 Step 2:

Now, list what you can actually do about it.

Having less money just requires a more focused budget.

Using family and friends for help will free up more time for activities that you value.

 Step 3:

Change the word “unfair” to what you can do about the injustice. For example, “I have less money in my savings” to “I can work harder to save more” or “I can modify my budget for more savings.”

Removing the focus of the unfairness, allows you to focus on your own wellbeing and make the change to your life for the better. You have the power to overcome any thoughts of unfairness you have.

About the Author

Christopher Holwell

Christopher W. Holwell Attorney/Principal 9 years with Holwell Group, LLC/Law Offices of Christopher W. Holwell 19 years as a trial attorney for Divorce, Real Estate, Insurance Coverage, and Injury. One of my biggest accomplishments in a divorce case was getting a multi-million dollar settlement from a spouse that was not disclosing several million dollars in assets. In addition, I was able to get the other spouse to fully fund the one child's college education as part of the settlement. Another of my biggest accomplishments in an injury case was procuring a several hundred thousand dollar settlement for my 14-year-old client who suffered a knee injury during an after school athletic program. I was able to get all interested parties to set aside funds for the client's college fund in case his athletic scholarship was affected. I am constantly attending Continuing Legal Education seminars to stay up to date on any changes in the law that might affect any of my clients. My primary areas of practice are Divorce, Family Law, Real Estate, and Insurance Litigation. Most of my clients are concerned with what to do or what not to do when the first come to see me for a consultation or appointment. Their next concern is usually financial; what are they going to do now? How are they going to survive? I tell each client, based on their unique situation, what their options are and what will happen next. I am there for them from start to finish. The best part of my job is doing the work the client is too upset to do. While I understand the emotional roller-coaster clients go through, my experience allows me to step outside the emotion point of view, and use the law and facts to benefit my clients to the best of my ability. I was born in Oak Lawn, Illinois, was raised in Bridgeview up until college and now live in Lake County, Illinois with my family (my wife and three children.) I still have family in Bridgeview, Oak Lawn, and Orland Park. A little-known fact about me is that I love astronomy and anything to do with the stars and planets. In my free time, I tend to read a lot, usually late at night and play with my children and new Newfoundland puppy, Indy (Indiana Jones) I am admitted to practice law in Illinois and all Federal Courts including the Supreme Court of the Untied States of America. I treat my clients like friends. You can reach me at: (312) 648-6115 [email protected] [email protected] Linkedin: Christopher W. Holwell Facebook: Holwell Law Group, LLC


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