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Sex and Divorce; Should We See A Sex Therapist Before We Divorce?

Posted by Christopher Holwell | Jun 26, 2018 | 0 Comments

Even in 2018, people may not believe that Sex Therapy is a real “thing”. Its similar to many other forms of counseling: you sit down and have a meeting like with a psychiatrist, psychologist, marriage, or sex counselor to work through everything like sexual dysfunction and intimacy issues. Even if you think everything is firing on all eight cylinders, couples can learn a thing or two from sex therapy.

Signs maybe this is right for you.

You have stopped having sex.

At least 15% of marriages are either partly or completely sexless. What's worse the more time that goes by, the harder it can be to get back into the swing of things. The more time that goes by, the more you may see your significant other as a non-sexual friend or roommate instead of a romantic partner. Divorce may be the first option that comes to mind but may not be the right choice just yet.

You are fighting after sex.

Boiled down to the lowest common denominator, good sex makes you feel good and bad sex and make you feel bad. People tend to practice avoidance when it comes to activities that make them feel bad. If you or your partner associates sex with bad feelings, you may tend to avoid it. Avoiding it may cause anxiety. Anxiety may cause you to reinforce your bad feelings and then you are caught in a vicious cycle. (Sex that is degrading or inflicts pain may be signs of deeper issues that may want you to seek a divorce attorney sooner than later.)

You are happy when your partner is too tired.

Being turned down after proposing sex and being happy or relieved is a big warning flag.

Your couples counseling doesn't seem to be working.

This type of therapy doesn't always focus on this part of your relationship. You will most likely hear different questions that will lead to different areas of your relationship.

Considering different types of counseling is worth the effort to save your relationship. I'm sure you won't forget, you can always get divorced.

About the Author

Christopher Holwell

Christopher W. Holwell Attorney/Principal 9 years with Holwell Group, LLC/Law Offices of Christopher W. Holwell 19 years as a trial attorney for Divorce, Real Estate, Insurance Coverage, and Injury. One of my biggest accomplishments in a divorce case was getting a multi-million dollar settlement from a spouse that was not disclosing several million dollars in assets. In addition, I was able to get the other spouse to fully fund the one child's college education as part of the settlement. Another of my biggest accomplishments in an injury case was procuring a several hundred thousand dollar settlement for my 14-year-old client who suffered a knee injury during an after school athletic program. I was able to get all interested parties to set aside funds for the client's college fund in case his athletic scholarship was affected. I am constantly attending Continuing Legal Education seminars to stay up to date on any changes in the law that might affect any of my clients. My primary areas of practice are Divorce, Family Law, Real Estate, and Insurance Litigation. Most of my clients are concerned with what to do or what not to do when the first come to see me for a consultation or appointment. Their next concern is usually financial; what are they going to do now? How are they going to survive? I tell each client, based on their unique situation, what their options are and what will happen next. I am there for them from start to finish. The best part of my job is doing the work the client is too upset to do. While I understand the emotional roller-coaster clients go through, my experience allows me to step outside the emotion point of view, and use the law and facts to benefit my clients to the best of my ability. I was born in Oak Lawn, Illinois, was raised in Bridgeview up until college and now live in Lake County, Illinois with my family (my wife and three children.) I still have family in Bridgeview, Oak Lawn, and Orland Park. A little-known fact about me is that I love astronomy and anything to do with the stars and planets. In my free time, I tend to read a lot, usually late at night and play with my children and new Newfoundland puppy, Indy (Indiana Jones) I am admitted to practice law in Illinois and all Federal Courts including the Supreme Court of the Untied States of America. I treat my clients like friends. You can reach me at: (312) 648-6115 [email protected] [email protected] Linkedin: Christopher W. Holwell Facebook: Holwell Law Group, LLC


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